You’ve got questions…I’ve got answers

A dear reader posed a few questions to me in response to my Toilets 101 lesson, and I thought it only appropriate to share my answers with the rest of you…just in case you were wondering too.

First Question: Good GOD, how do you teach your kids how to properly use your “poopie inspection platform”?

Proper use of the “inspection platform” is not a skill in which one can teach others. It takes much practice on the part of the pooper to skillfully place their excrement on target.

Seriously, the thing I need to teach them is to stick around to make sure that their deposit makes it in the bank. Oftentimes, the force at which the water should woosh the crap down isn’t forceful enough to take the waste away. Of course, the toilet paper goes with the water, but there have been times I’ve gone into the bathroom to “go” only to discover a smelly package that was left behind. I am not entirely happy when this happens I assure you. Imagine going into the bathroom, lifting the lid and finding “that”. It’s not fun and is not pretty. I am NEVER amused.

The upside is there is no fear of “backsplash” should one leave a large deposit which can on occasion occur on American toilets. (especially gross if the kids haven’t flushed after peeing and you are too lazy or too in a hurry to flush before making your own deposit lol)

Next: Do ya miss American toilets

You bet your sweet ass I do. With American toilets, there is less chance of finding “stuff” so much in your face, and it it is there, the smell is greatly reduced because it is safely being preserved in the water. Also, more water makes for easlier plunging and cleaning of the plunger should a clog occur. Too, American toilets smell better overall. Every bathroom I have been in over here reeks of urine.

And finally: Do ya have a bidet? No, we don’t. However, we did have one in our bathroom in Italy. After thourough sanitation with bleach, it was used as the Efam library, holding our latest reading materials. It was always fun visiting other peoples homes because all of our toilets flushed differently, and we Americans made creative use out of our bidets. In one home, I saw one being used as a planter.

In the hotel when we first got to Italy (way back when) the toilet, bidet, shower and sink were in this itty bitty tiled room. Everything got soaked when you took a shower. (no there was no shower curtain) Devin was almost 3 at the time, and used the bidet to float little boats and matchbox cars. Yes, in essence, he played in the toilet. (It was clean, stop gagging…geesh!)

Now, a bit of toilet trivia for those who may be wondering:

Our toilet in the upstairs bathroom is green and has a big platform. The toilet downstairs on the main floor is white, has a clear blue seat and lid with seashells embedded in it (I call it the Nemo crapper) and does NOT sport a large platform..This bathroom has a flushing problem as it takes like 5 flushes to properly dispose of whatever is left in it, including the tp. Being white in color too, I often find colorful streaks left by whomever was the last to go in it. Also, since we have no garbage disposal, I often find that the kids have dumped what they couldn’t eat out of their cereal bowl in it too, which makes for nice surprises when lifting the lid. This toilet is also “backsplash” free since there is very little water in the bowl.