I am writing to complain about the accuracy of the ingredient listing for your product “Baked Cheetos”. I believe you must have inadvertently omitted something from the list.
Crack.
I am convinced, without a shadow of a doubt, that you lace your Cheetos with crack or some other similar substance. Why else would one be obsessed with eating so many of those crunchy little buggers that their fingers become crusted, not just lightly colored, with that addictive orange substance??
I think it’s mighty deceptive marketing to tout these demon bags as a healthy alternative to your regular Cheetos. One simply CANNOT just eat a small serving I’m convinced because of your “omitted” ingredient. Mighty clever if I do say so myself. Keep the fatties wanting more.
I’m going to do some research on your company, and I think that when I’m done I will have found that you are in cahoots with those soda makers and their high fructose corn syrup. Together, you have probably turned thousands of people into soda swizzling orange cheese seeking junkies and I am completely disgusted.
Thanks for keeping me fat.
